Lately, I can't help but think about the definition of true love.  Maybe because I am thinking about and preparing for the retreat in February that will be on love.  Or maybe because Valentine's day is right around the corner?  Either way, I want to understand why Jesus told one of the churches in Revelation, "you don't love me or each other as you did at first".

Jesus warned that in the last days, the love of many would grow cold.  Paul said that people would love only themselves and their money.  That last sentence is really sticking in my head.  As I try to define true love, what it looks like and how to demonstrate it in my own life, I often start with what it doesn't look like... 

Paul said that people would love themselves.  I think that is the type of love I know and can define already.  So I will start there to define what true love is not...

If you love yourself and your money, what would that look like?

1. I would want everyone to meet my needs.
2. I would want everyone to pay attention to me.
3. You would hear me say no one understands me or cares about me when they are not meeting my needs or paying attention to me.
4. I would want my own way.
5. I would want comfort, ease and pleasure.
6. I would use my money to buy whatever ensures #5.

Jesus said that the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.  Well, maybe I should begin there to discover true love. 

1. To talk with my neighbor to discover their needs and listen to them. 
2. To seek comfort, ease and joy for them. 
3. To use my money to ensure #2 in their life.

Does anyone remember that song, "it only takes a spark to get a fire going".  I used to love that song!  Seems appropriate here.

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This was probably one of the most enjoyable holidays I have had in a while.  I cleaned the house, lite it up with candles (to cover the sparse decoration), and had nice dinner from Antonio's waiting for just the 5 of us (Kaia, Katlyn, Tommy and David).  As we were sitting there talking, a car pulled into the drive way.  David thought we should get a gun because truly no one ever comes to our house.  As we all strain to see who has showed up outside, we turn on the porch light.

This Christmas Eve Visitor brought with her a  poinsetta as a gift, but more than that she brought a smile and a card.  It was great to see her on Christmas Eve!  As I read the card, it brought tears to my eyes.  In the card she recounted the many prayers she has been offering up on my behalf.  She also said that she saw God shinning through me (funny how you never realize it from your side of the fence).  She ended with, "I hope someday when people look at me God will radiate through the way he does with you."

I can't tell you what this Christmas Visitor meant to me.  How much it touch me that she would come all the way to my house to bring me a gift.  I call these moments the "breath of God".  Those momements when you know that God is very near you and the body of Christ is acting as one.  It tells us to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received.  My Christmas Visitor did just that.

One of my girls was trying to figure out how she knew this visitor, when I told her who she was, she commented how good she looked...peaceful and happy.  I think that her hope "that when people look at me God will radiate through" was fulfilled on CHRISTMAS EVE.  To this visitor, I want to say a special THANK YOU.  You will never know how much your act of kindness meant to me.

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Christmas is here.  This used to be my favorite time of year.  I don't know when it became my least favorite.  There is so much work involved and I hate the pressure to live up to it's expectation.  Now that my kids are bigger, getting something I know that they will like is much harder. 

I watched Christmas with the Krank's by myself last night.  I laughed, thought it was funny.  But really, I think that over the last few years I have missed out on Christmas because I have not done what they did in the movie which is enjoy Christmas with family and friends.  Our family Christmas eve party has deteriorated due to family feuds.  We now have it several weeks ahead of time, it is often strained and not everyone comes.  I didn't get to go this year because of my back injury, so I missed out.

I think that next year, I am going to have a Christmas eve party for anyone who wants to come and celebrate.  And it is going to be on 12-24!  so make plans to attend now. : ) 

This year, we are going to have a small celebration with just the 5 of us.  Dave, Kaia, Katlyn, Tommy and myself.  I have a dinner planned.   Going to a candle light service at 9 pm and then home for presents and maybe a Christmas movie.  Should be nice.  No pressure.  Merry Christmas everyone...

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I am having a hard time blogging lately.  It seems that this back injury has affected my mind more than my back.  I don't even know how to describe it but that 1 Peter 4:1-3 applies more than I realized.  Peter was speaking to the church which was experiencing adversity.  He encouraged them to live for Christ in the face of this adversity, to look beyond their current trials and put away sin.

I believe there is more power to live for God than we choose to access.  I like Paul's prayer for the Ephesians.  He prayed that we might be strengthened and empowered from the Father's glorious, unlimited resources!  I am learning to lean on that today.  I guess you could say that I hit the LOTTO.  See you at church tomorrow and we can talk about all that we have available to us to live godly lives.

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Today is our 27 th wedding anniversary.  David posted a funny video on his blog.  He got up singing... Happy Anniversary BABY... Got you on my mind.  I love it when he sings.

 I successfully made it back to work Wednesday and Thursday, although the drive home on Wednesday was tedious.  Terrible traffic.  I wasn't ready for that but all in all, things seem to continue to improve where my back is concerned.  Never realized how many people have a problem with their back.

Christmas is coming and I am not ready.  Ready or not, here it comes.  Lots to do.  Guess I should get to it...

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I am steady recovering from this back injury.  I feel much better today than yesterday.  Also trying to recover from the intense emotions I feel about all of this (of course it could be the steriods).  It would be very easy to see how depression can set in and take hold. 

 As I try to reign in my emotions, I realize that my life with Christ is as much a head knowledge as a heart knowledge.  What I mean by that is,  sometimes you just have to hang on to what you believe even when you don't necessarily feel it.  Even when God does not feel close, you cling to the truth that can't be represented by your feelings.

Today, I worked from home but I really need to get back to the office soon for my mind's sake.  I am relying on John 16:27 where Jesus said that the Father loves "me" dearly.  Hanging on those words today. 

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I really am feeling better.  Hard to believe how good I feel today compared to what I started out feeling last Sunday.  I have to say, I got some of the best advise from my husband.  He was there for me through an incredible week.

Yesterday morning, I really thought I wasn't going to make it to teach but some how, some way, I did!  And it felt good to be with all of you.  I hope you have a great week. 

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Good Morning World...

Another day to see God's display of Power.  Although I have to add that it is also another day of struggling through it,  minute by minute and hour by hour, to depend on that power.  I can't tell what is happening with my back.  Sometimes I think, okay it is getting better and then sometimes I think, it is never going to get better.  One moment I think I am okay and can handle this and then the next moment the tears fall.  I am praying that God removes this from me and heals my back. 

In the meantime, I am praying that God gives me the strength to glorify him in this weakness.  I have never in my entire life felt more weak, helpless and powerless.  I have always thought I could do anything.  Maybe to my demise at times.  Nevertheless, this is a very strange place to be.

I read this morning where Paul prayed three times that his "thorn" would be removed from him.  God's response?  My Grace is sufficient for you.  My power is perfected in weakness."

Question:  Do I believe that?  Do I believe God?

For 12 years now, I have reached out to woman challenging them to believe God and take him at his word.  To either believe that everything the bible says is true or it is all a lie.  Get on one side or the other but don't straddle the fence.  Now, my own challenge...  Do I believe that God's grace is sufficent and I will experience more of his power in this weakness?  God said, "My kindness is all you need.  My power is strongest when you are weak."  (different translation)

Yes, I believe! I can count and name God's kindness to me...

1. I have a very supportive husband.
2. I have a great church body.  NR from our sunday school class has reached out to me in the kindest ways that have strengthened me.  It helps to know she has suffered in the same way.
3. I have a job that will allow for working from home.  Pray that God gives me favor with my boss to allow me to work from home for the next four weeks.
4. I have a comfortable home that is warm.  Warmth is the best thing for my back.  When I get cold, it is worse.
5. I live in a beautiful place where I can watch the birds and wildlife.
6. I have the word of God that strengthens me!
7. Greatest of ALL, I have a saviour who has suffered physical pain and knows my greatest need.  I will never doubt his love for me because he chose to go through the physical pain of the cross for "the joy set before him".  Because of that, I am reconciled with God and will one day spend eternity in his presence.

Thank you Father for your gift of GRACE.

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I am still struggling with back pain that is pretty debilatating.   In that, I can't do anything.  No comfortable position.  I went to the doctor and he was encouraging and did not think that it would be permanent but would get better.   I have to admit, I have had a lot of fear since this started on Sunday.  I used to be a worker's comp. case manager and I have seen enough of back pain to scare me to death.

Submitting to it and my weakness in the body is really all I can do right now.  I have to say that if I am going to have to go through this, I  am so thankful for my husband.  He is a most precious gift to me.  The great thing about this is that even though I feel prettty weak and vulnerable right now, he is a great support and encouraging.

I bet you are wondering why I titled the blog SNOW! ? After having a not so great day yesterday, I just wanted to know that God was present, with me, BIG...  Last night as my tears fell, so did the snow.  I did not realize it was going to snow or that there was a possibility.  I called my daughter in Austin and she said it snowed there also.  She did not really see the significance of it.  After all, it barely stuck to the ground.  But as I was reading in Job,

He directs the snow to fall on the earth and tells the rain to pour down.  Everyone stops working at such a time so they can recognize his power.  Job 37:8  and then God asks Job,

"Have you visited the treasuries of the snow?" Job 38:22

Who can question His will or His way?  The snow gently falling outside reminds me of this.  It reminds me of His presence and of His power no matter what we are going through.  The snow was a reminder of the "wonder" of God that is bigger than life.  Thank you for the gift of SNOW.

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Forget my  post on "Failure", after the pain I have experienced since Sunday, I realize that some things just don't matter.  Pain has a way of doing just that.  It takes your focus.  Holds your attention.

Since Sunday, my back pain has been so severe that I have not been able to do anything comfortably except walk.  Do you realize how many hours are in a day when all you can do is move from stretching your back to walking/pacing?  If you try to lay down, you can't stay there.  So all Sunday night I paced...  this has been one of the hardest, most frustrating things I have gone through and this is really only day 3.

Last night, I was able to sleep for 6 hours straight.  I woke up this morning so grateful for the sleep.  Not only that but I realized that I felt pretty good.  Good enough to attempt sitting in a chair (if you have back pain, you know what I am talking about).  Then I read 1 Peter 4:1-7.... (don't laugh, I did not go searching for this and in the NLT it really spoke to me!)

Living for God

 1 So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin.^[a] 2 You won't spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God. 3

Christ suffered for the "joy set before him".  He had the goal in mind.  I am not sure that I could choose to go through physical pain for someone else.  Physical pain scares me.  I am a wimp!  But once it happened to me, all I can do is pray for others, hoping that they don't have to go through it or that they will get relief from their pain.  

I am not sure how all this applies but one thing I know is how grateful I am for my job.  I want to get back to it and still be able to do it.  Forget all that petty stuff.  Maybe that is what it means to be done with sin and chasing your own desires.

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