Had one of those days where I felt like a complete failure.  Life can really beat up on you.  It seems that God has given me this job for the purpose of exposing places that I have not gone far enough to be conformed into His image.

I started reading this weeks lesson for Sunday School.  It is really great material and one of my favorite subjects.  It deals with the idea that we must be transformed into Christ's image.  It also deals with the idea that it is not by working harder.  That is where I am stuck right now.  I am desperate to change at work and yet there are a couple of relationships at work that I just don't seem to be living my reality in Christ.  I may suceed one day and turn around and screw it up the next day.  Frustrating!

One of the lessons in our new material says that one of the reasons for failure is ....

Spiritual Myopia or "the inability to see clearly or rightly, describes the failure to see the value of what's at stake in our call to balance the scales between who we are in Christ and how we actually live. Most of us think that we should be more like Christ because we feel guilty when we're not.  Most of us think it's important because we would be happier and more fulfilled and God might use us more.  Those concerns serve as nice little motivations.  But they are not the right motivtion. They are not big enough or high enough from God's perspective! "

"Here's what's  at stake, according to this passage, when my life doesn't reflect what I say I believe.  My life becomes a walking billboard that proclaims, "Not one body, not one Spirit, not one hope, not one Lord, not one faith, not one baptism.  Not one God.  Not one Father."  Ephesians 4:4-6  Quote taken from Chip Ingram, "The Miracle of Life Change"

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I know now why I did not want to go back to work...

• fighting
• stress
• pressure

But hey, I started each day with God.  I journaled and read my bible.  Can you imagine what it would have been like if I didn't?  Still working on being joyful and remaining at peace.

I love the bible verse that says, "He keeps in perfect peace, those who keep their purpose firm."  Not sure where that is located because I forgot to memorize the address but memorizing that verse has helped me a lot.

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I have been on vacation all this past week and all I can think about today is... ...Oh how I don't want to go back to work!  I don't know why I dread it so much especially after I have had some time off. 

I really did not do much this week.  The only thing I accomplished around the house was to paint our front dining room.  It really looks good, I might add.  We had Thanksgiving for about 30 at our house and so the time off helped to prepare while not being rushed. 

It turned 0ut to be a very nice Thanksgiving.  My youngest daughter was home from college.  We had a really great visit.  Hard to believe that she will be 21 in just a few months.  My oldest daughter and her future husband also joined us.  All in all, very nice day. 

Well that brings me back to my point... I just don't want to go back to work tomorrow.  At home with family, it is safe, inviting, comfortable and relaxing.  At work it is stressful, competitive, busy and hard.  On the brightside... I get to come home at the end of the day.  I guess I have a lot to be thankful for but most of all, I have a great family, friends and a great church to walk with me through life.  Hope you had a great day of Thanksgiving.

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Recently, my husband showed me an article about a pastor at a Mega church who challenged his married parishners to have sex seven times in one week.  I really can't tell you how angry that made me.  I think that even my husband was supprised.  I am trying to figure out exactly why it makes me angry but let me start with a top 10 reasons...

10.  Of course this came from a "man" preacher.

9.  People don't go to church any more unless they are entertained.  When was the last time you heard someone say the pastor preached a great sermon on salvation?

8.  If the pastor had challenged his members to read their bible and pray for 7 days in a row, how many people do you think would have headed off with a giggle to try it.

7.  It is degrading to woman.  If the pastor wanted his congregation to improve their relationships during this difficult time, why didn't he challenge them to 3 nights of sex in one week and 4 nights of long romantic walks talking with the one they love.  I bet a lot of woman I know, would rather have the walks with an opportunity to really connect with their spouse.  You never know, then maybe 7 nights of sex isn't a stretch.

6.  This one sermon is making the news... "Preacher challenges congregation to have sex 7 days in one week!"

5.  Only the bad stuff or titilating stuff makes the news with reguards to the church.  This is the last thing I would want to represent what churches are about.

4.  It means that churches are no longer relavant.  They no longer make a difference in their community.  Instead they are just like the world.

3.  It means the poor or those in need can't count on us because we are too busy with... you know.

2.  It defiles the marriage bed.  Do you really have to tell two people in love with each other and in love with God to have sex?  And if people have to be told, then telling them is not going to convince them.

1.  It just makes me sad that this is what it has come to regarding preaching the gospel.  Pastors at mega churches with jets, that have to be creative and shocking to fill their churches.  All the while they have thousands attending and for the most part, they look just like everyone else.  What is wrong with this picture?  It is time to mourn our pathetic state!

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I seem to be addicted to the news lately.  I keep thinking that the the whole world is in a panic about the future... and it feels very strange!  The future feels different to me.  In my 47 years, I don't think I ever imagined that things could change so quickly in our country to the point that my kids won't have the same opportunities that I had or that it is just such a different world.

I have been praying for our country for a long time, feeling that something is just wrong in America.  If ever there has been a time  that love is growing cold, it is now.  Of course with all these feelings, I also feel that things are clearer to me than they have ever been.  I really think that happened after Hurricane Ike.  A feeling that the unimportant and divided feelings were just washed away.

Why do I write I all this?  I don't know exactly except to say I am moving forward with a single minded focus. No matter what happens in the future, I am praying that God's kingdom comes, expands and pushes forward in this strange place.  I pray that it starts in me.  What is God's kingdom and how do I know if it is expanding? 

I once read in the bible that God's kingdom is:  righteousness, joy and peace. 

I will know it when my heart begins to swell with love.

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Sunday morning... I love Sundays!  It wasn't always like this.  I used to wake up every morning trying to decide if I even wanted to go to church.  Now, I can't wait to get there.  I get up early, listen to worship music and prepare my heart for worship.  I guess the real difference is... I am in love!  I am in love with my Savior, I love being with his people, I love doing my job and church is where I want to be.  See you there...

P.S.  Check out the "Praise Songs" link!  that is what I have been listening to while I am on the computer.

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I read the lesson this week and I am still struggling with how out of step it feels with the Life of Christ.  This idea that forgiveness is attached to the correct words and actions of repentance seems to fly in the face of several things I remember Jesus saying in the gospels:

• love your enemies
• love your neighbors
• And give forgiveness 70 X 7...

Sounds like in that scenario, the person really did not do anything to "change". 

Several years ago, I remember teaching a lesson that said...love doesn't demand a change, it causes it!  This whole language of apology just seems like family counseling and not living the life of Christ; which goes so much further than this lesson.

I think that I will choose to go "further still".  To forgive without an apology, to love in such a way that I cause an offense less often and when I do, to love more because I am told, "love covers a multitude of sins".  This way I don't have to follow some formula of apology or love, it will just overflow out of a heart that is loved deeply by my God and my Savior.  That kind of love can't help but spill over.

Right now as I listen to worship music while I write these words, I am smiling thinking, if God loves me as much as he has demonstrated in the Life of Christ and his death on the cross, shouldn't it show in my life as I lay my will down?...Answer:  ABSOLUTELY.  I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow to worship.

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I am reading a really good book right now called the The Importance of being Foolish:  How to think like Jesus by Brennan Manning, but I have to say that it is challenging.  In our lesson on Sunday, I mentioned about going "further still", this is the idea that we have not really followed Christ far enough.

The idea in the book is about the reasons we don't go "further still".  Clearly it is because our minds are focused on earthly things.  One of the quotes in the book that I liked was:

"The great mark of a Christian is what no other characteristic can replace, namely the example of a life which can only be explained in terms of God."  

I really want that!  However at work, I noticed things in me that I did not know still existed.  Things that don't really reflect who I am in Christ...jealousy, the desire to be noticed, the desire to be the best and anger when my expectation of how people should treat me is not met.  Clearly, I have a divided heart.

The last two weeks I have tried to put into practice what I am learning and I have to tell you it is amazingly true!   Peace, joy and righteousness follows a life focused on Jesus as the one thing that matters.  I want to share just one example of this in practice.  A change that was made in my life this week.

At work I have an enemy.  I believe she works hard to make my life miserable.  Since we are both in positions of authority, our interactions consist of a series of competitive moves and countermoves.  This process always leaves me anxious, stressed and frustrated.  I have always thought it was her!  She is evil.  But then I realized, it was me.  I was insecure in my position in Christ.  Since I have begun to think about Jesus as my one thing that matters, I have responded differently.

Yesterday I got an email forwarded to me from a friend.  My enemy had sent  out a meeting request to my directors inviting them to a meeting to discuss a problem between our two departments but did not include me.  Jesus says that we are to love our enemy and pray for those who hurt us.  In my own nature, I would have fumed over this precieved slight!  Instead, I said a quick prayer, emailed my enemy to request a meeting change so that I could attend and did not think twice about whether this was intentional on her part or just simply a mistake.  Peace remained.  I followed Christ as I lifted her up in prayer and realized, she also has a very hard job. 

 We could all use Christ's help in this world.  Luke 7:45 says "whatever is in your heart determines what you say"... Yesterday, what was in my heart was the love of Christ and it showed!

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