Yesterday as I was driving to work, I realized I could breathe. The pressures of the last six months have lifted, even though they have not completely resolved. I began to think of how important each day is to us. Sometimes we live for the future, trying to understand what will be and we miss the beauty of each and every day.
My mind went back to a beautiful December day before my world fell apart. My sister had come over to help me decorate for our annual Christmas Eve party. She became fascinated with a clear ornament that opened to place little strips of paper inside. Across the ornament were the words "Make-A-Wish". In fact, she became so fascinated that she decided that we were going to do an activity at our Christmas Eve Party that involved that ornament. Everyone would write down their wish for 2011. It was particularly important to her because a lot of changes were suppose to happen in her future. She was getting married and moving to California.
We had more fun decorating, laughing, shopping and spending time together. It was just like old times. After we were done, the house looked beautiful and in the corner of the living room was a table dedicated to Marion's activity, where everyone would place their wish for the new year. I never in that moment really thought how important that simple, ordinary day would become.
Several weeks later, on December 14, 2010, Marion became very sick and two days later, she was placed on a ventilator to keep her alive. The physician called me at home early Friday morning to let me know that she was not doing well. I rushed up to the hospital to see her fighting for each breath. She was frantic to sign a "Medical Power of Attorney" so that I could make all her decisions. We got that in place and then she was out. She did not wake up for over three weeks.
At one point, when I had to make a hard decision that I was unsure of, I began to pray for wisdom and guidance. Many people were questioning my decision, even the physicians were questioning, but as I prayed asking for help, it was if I heard...
"Follow her WISHES"
Everything became clear, I knew exactly what to do. You see, I knew what her wishes were because we had talked many times about them and that is what a Medical Power of Attorney is supposed to do. I knew that was God's way of providing me with the guidance I needed. He confirmed that He was with me every step of the way. This reminds me of a quote I am fond of;
- Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
You have to trust that God is going to lead you, though you can not see. Isn't that the definition of Faith?
I began to see how important that one day was to what was coming in the future, though at the time I had no understanding of its significance. We never did celebrate Christmas or New Years or Valentines day for that matter. But we had a very special, ordinary day in early December that God used to direct me. I left those decorations up until March hoping we might be able to enjoy them. When I packed up that ornament, I filled it with all my prayers for everyone. God willing, I will hang them up on the tree next year.
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
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